Momming can be ROUGH at times! You know those days and weeks when you’re feeling less than glam, and the kids are disobedient and fighting with each other and whining and you just cleaned the floor and now its crumb-covered and you’ve been busting your tail all day but there is no real evidence of that and you are done adult-ing and kind of despising your current life? Been there, done that, got the spit-up covered t-shirt.

Take a deep breath momma, there is hope! Try these tips – I hope they help you as much as they’ve helped me!

GRATITUDE

It may sound fluffy and simple and uninspiring but gratitude has made a huge difference for me in those hairy moments or the seasons where I’m just over the mom life. Take a minute to regroup (can you hide in the bathroom?) and be genuinely thankful for each kid.

Look at their pictures on your phone, you know, the ones you took when they were being cute or pray and thank God for each one or just reflect on each child and their sweet moments and the things you love about them.

As a SAHM who considered just getting a job on the daily, it helped me to purposefully think of the reasons I’m happy I can be home with my kids. I know if I was a working mom, I’d be wishing I could be home with them #grassisalwaysgreenersyndrome. I wrote down those reasons for a quick reference to start my day with a fresh perspective when I was in a season that the struggle was SO real.

The book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp recommends the daily practice of writing down things you are grateful for. It’s so simple but I think trains your mind to look for the small gifts and good things in each day. Her writing style is poetic so not for everyone but I believe practicing gratitude IS for everyone. It has had a powerful effect on my attitude.

Losing loved ones in my life, some very unexpected, has reminded me to be grateful for the time I have with all of my people. You just never know when you might lose someone. The thought of losing my kids gives me an instant perspective shift. Soak in your babies and be thankful for them.

CHECK YOUR EXPECTATIONS

I get so annoyed when my kids misbehave because I think sometimes I have an unconscious expectation for them to behave perfectly – even though I know of course they can’t. I’m a perfectionist at times and am hard on myself and I can carry that over into expectations of my kids. Not that you don’t train them to be great, you just can’t expect perfection. If I’m expecting perfection and they inevitably mess up, my reaction is not always pretty. It’s so much better for me to be ready to respond well. Reminding myself of this has helped me to be prepared and not caught off guard when, duh, they inevitably mess up:

my kids are still kids and they are going to need guidance each day AND they are going to misbehave AND I need to be ready to correct them well.

RE-FOCUS ON THE MOST IMPORTANT JOB

I can get too productivity focused because I feel better when I’ve accomplished something. I am definitely a to-do list junkie – probably because at the end of the day, it seems that nobody will actually know that I played Candy Land with my child or held them on the kitchen floor to comfort them when they were upset or taught them how to be a kind friend/sibling. Those are just not immediate visible results.

Checking off my to do list feels good but it’s not my most important job and I need to remember that and keep things in perspective. When my list is my main focus and a little one is needing attention I get SO annoyed that they are interfering with whatever job I’m working on. But I’m their person right now. They need me to do the most important job of comforting them when they need it, teaching them, correcting them, encouraging them, etc. This pouring out of our lives will count someday, promise!

RECHARGE

Is there any way you can get a break just to recharge yourself? That is so so necessary for me. Being a mom is the most difficult thing I’ve ever done! Don’t allow mom guilt to stop you from taking care of yourself. It will make you a better mom and usually wife as well. Ways I’ve found snippets of time are:

• putting hubby on duty for an hour or two on the weekend and going to grab a coffee and read or shop or nap or exercise or enjoy a hobby or listen to music, whatever gives you life
• hiring a mother’s helper – I had a young neighbor teen come over to play with my kids while I was still there but I could HIDE or shower or clean something without someone clinging to me or undoing what I was doing
• girls nights – these were a lifeline especially during the young years. It helps to get together with moms who understand the crazy that you’re experiencing
• MOPS or other mom groups that, most importantly, provide child care, but also connect you with other moms who just might become lifelong friends
• babysit swap – if you don’t mind babysitting a friend’s kids for a few hours so you can then have a few hours to yourself, do it! This isn’t the best solution for me because the last thing I want when I just ‘can’t even’ is to take care of more children. This totally works for some of my friends though so may be worth a try

MUSIC

Turning music on often just lifts my mood. This is especially useful during dinner prep which also tends to be the witching hour with kids. Crank up the tunes and encourage a dance party. Give the kids sunglasses to add to the fun. You could even throw some on yourself. We’ve had many dance parties in my home to avoid the CRAZY.

I stream music through Spotify or Pandora. I love that with Spotify you can make your own playlist even with the free version. We have a sound system in our new house but before that I would just use a bluetooth speaker to get better and louder sound than my phone can put out. If you don’t have one, I highly recommend adding one to your next amazon prime package. They are fairly inexpensive and totally worth it. I take mine on trips. This is the one I use: click here.

YOU’VE GOT THIS!

Hang in there and just keep momming! What else helps you? Leave a comment with tips. Or leave a comment to vent about a day that just left you in the place of “I can’t even”. It’s helpful to mom together and know we are not alone!